I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
