Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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