I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
