Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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