i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
