sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
