he looks like a really good dad on facebook
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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