it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
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decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
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Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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