i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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