i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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