watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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