Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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