oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
