i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
