So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize
