two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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