Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think I sprained my soul last night
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
