glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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