im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
