After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
