So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
