and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
