i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
