return my video game
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
