some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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