Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Found the puke drawer
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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