I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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