i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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