My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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