Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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