false alarm. still invincible.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
These tits shall not be calmed
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
