I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm passing your future prison.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
