I'm jealous of your bromance
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
