Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
