you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
