very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
