I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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