I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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