I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
