Where did you get a picture of my penis
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
