so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
