By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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