I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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