I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
