oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
