I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
