It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Randomize
