I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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