Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
