Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
