She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
