New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
