I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
