I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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