Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
3 2 1 whiskey
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i believe in u and ur pee
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