Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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