I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
