How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
