you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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