you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
