I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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