i think i have herpe
just one?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
