I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
