His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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