I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
