It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
