Your face is a jimmy john
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
