He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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