btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
