Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
