and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
