So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
