Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
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It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
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The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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