I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
