I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
