K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
