1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
