So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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