woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
