well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
