for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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