Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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