she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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