I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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