I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
And then my night got REAL pukey
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
