Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
