Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
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It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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