Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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