6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
