Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
