we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
