He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
