I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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